Q: Hi, I have a problem. it takes me a long time, sometimes 30 minutes to ejaculate when I am having sex with my partner but I don’t have this problem when I am masturbating. is this normal? Is this serious? I went to see a psychiatrist and he gave me Fluoxetine but it wasn’t helpful either.

A: Hi. This is a common question. I am almost certain you have no serious issues to be worried about. If you only have this problem with you are having intercourse and can ejaculate when you are masturbating then it might be mostly related to your habits. You may be more familiar with orgasming by yourself. You might also be used to your own grip which is usually harder than the one created by Vaginal canal and also many men use their dry hands for better friction during stimulation and are not used to the moist environment of the vagina. There are certain behaviors that you could modify or add to your masturbation habits to help you with becoming more in tune with intercourse:
use lubricant when masturbating
use gentler strokes when masturbating to bring the senses back to the penis and become more mindful of all the range of sensations you can feel in your penis during intercourse
if you always watch porn or erotic pictures to masturbate, you might be overly dependent on visual stimulations, I suggest minimizing that and using your imagination and fantasy more.
you can masturbate with your partner to get used to her presence

Other possible causes of delayed ejaculation and orgasm in men (and women) may include the use of drugs, prescription or otherwise. With a new partner, sometimes you need to build a trusting relationship. If you have fear of impregnating your partner, that might come in the way too. so having a reliable means of contraception might help too.

Something on the side, if you are taking a long time to ejaculate and you are not happy or there are times that you don’t ejaculate at all. I recommend you seeing a urologist just to make sure there are not any organic issues going on.


Choices versus Chances

Sometimes in life you have to go with the flow but after a certain point it will become a choice to continue or not. It is very important not to miss that point or you will end up looking back with regret.


Q: When I have orgasm, I feel this rush that turns into a headache. Is this part of the process, or is something wrong?

Well, in most cases it is normal and temporary and in some cases it is a sign that the person needs some medical investigations. During orgasm you usually have contractions all over your body that would cause temporary tension in your neck and head, this could be one of the causes for what you are experiencing. Also, temporary high blood pressure, lack of oxygen (usually you tend to take short breath when experiencing orgasm) could lead to headaches too, headaches of this type could be like the ones you get from exercising. I suggest that you discuss this with your primary care physician just to be on the safe side, because the kind of headache you experience can be a sing of being prone to certain medical conditions (e.g. migraine or epilepsy). The good news is that there are drugs that are evident to be effective for this kind of headache if taken 30 minutes before sex so you can discuss this with your doctor too. You can read more on orgasm and headaches in our book: Orgasm Answer Guide by John Hopkins University Press, which is more than 80 Q and A’s about orgasm (page 68 and 69).


Q: My best friend just came out of the closet. This is new territory for me. How can I show my support?

Just be honest, don’t try to be over accommodating if you don’t feel like it or push away your feelings. Remember that this is your friend and you don’t want to have an elephant in the room every time you will meet each other again. Discuss your feelings with her/him honestly. Also remember that this might be as shocking to you as to your friend depending on when she/he found out that she
/he is gay.

You can use phrases such as “ thank you for sharing this with me”. This will show you are supportive without patronizing your friend. Ask her any questions you might have in mind, this will help both of you to go through the process more smoothly. For example “ what made you come to conclusion?”, “how do you feel?” and so on. I am sure you will be fine. You cared enough to write to me, this on itself shows such a caring friend you are.


Q: Is their Anyway or Anything out there too make a man’s Private Grow longer & thicker w/t out going under the knife? l’ve tried some Enhancement Pills & Cream but the Pills seem too make me smaller. What can l do besides Beware of All these SCAMS & Not Wasting my $$$ thank you. Mr. S

Mr.S. thank you for your question. This is one of the top three questions that I receive. Here is the honest answer: there is a false perception regarding the length and girth of the penis out there mainly due to the porn representation of huge penises. but think of it this way, porn is there to entertain and feed into your fantasy. like a science fiction movie. not everything you see is real. it is a production after all!

Even the announced average size (5 inch when erect) apply to certain ethnicities that were being studied most (White, Anglo-Saxon). Also you will be amazed as how many men measure their penises wrongly. you need to do the measurement on the top side, from the tip down to the pubic bone. if you have belly fat it is not very easy t have accurate measurement.

Here is your answer: after reaching adulthood, there is no real way to enhance the size of the penis but surgery or injection to add to the girth. There are creams and devices that claim they would grow the length of the penis but studies show that there are not significant changes after using these devices. One other fact based on studies is that men who are not happy with the size of their penises will remain unhappy even after the surgery which shoes the issue is more psychological rather than physical. Yes, there are men who need the surgery but they are extremely rare (these penises are called ‘micro penis’ and are so small that make intercourse impossible. usually under 3 inches long).

Overall, If you compare the possible risks to the benefits then hopefully you would decide to leave your penis as it is. as long as it is functioning it is good enough . you just need to learn other techniques to wow your partner (if this is what you are looking for) and it is rarely the size. in fact studies show that many women complain about the big size of the penis as it might make them uncomfortable (physically and psychologically). so just enjoy your healthy penis and leave these all behind you.

If this helped you please share with your friends so that they could have a sight of relief too.