After some time, many couples come to me concerned that they have lost their excitement in the bedroom. Some couples cannot even be bothered to go through the motions, let alone have an exciting sex life
Communication: The important factor that I always emphasize is to develop an effective and on-going communication routine. A suggestion is to commit to review your sex life (turn ons and offs, preferences, etc.) once a year. Why not make it a tradition each Valentine’s Day? You can even create a new date in your calendars just for this. This way, you will not risk getting deeper into unpleasant or ineffective habits, no one will get offended if their partner shares their new preferences, and you will have something new and exciting to look forward to each year.
Expand Your Horizons: Couples should continually expand their horizons. You can do this by, for instance, watching or reading erotic material (not necessarily porn), attending a couple’s retreat, traveling to new or exotic places, or simply, by exploring new things together as well as creating common experiences. These will then be transferred into your sex life too.
Use Your Senses: Sex is a sensual, mutual experience, therefore, the more pleasant experiences a couple has together in general, the better and more harmonized their sex life will be. Couples can use the 5 senses (sight, smell, taste, touch, sound) to create pleasurable experiences with their partner. Read more about this HERE
The mistake many couples make...
The mistake many couples make is that they get too comfortable within the relationship and may assume something that worked before will still work. This is a huge mistake. When I say “develop an effective and on-going communication routine”, I mean to keep learning about their own bodies, as well as each other’s as they age together and share it with one another. Because not only will our bodies change over time, but also the external factors that might influence one’s sexual preferences will change as well. Overtime, if we work on it, our inhibitions lower and we have more skills to communicate with our partners in general, which help with having conversations about sex.
Remember that a check-in routine should not only be effective but also be ongoing. This is important because you do not want to alarm or offend your partner. For example, if after 15 years of marriage, all of a sudden one person suggests something new, their partner might be alarmed as to why they are asking for this change now! Where did this come from and whether they have been faking everything else in the past years?
If you are already in a long term relationship and have not done this so far, why not start this Valentine’s Day? The key is to start having non-judgmental and open communication with your partner.
This will start by being non-judgmental yourself
Just take whatever you hear as data. Remove yourself out of the information so you don’t start making meanings and interpreting their suggestions, preferences, etc. as a sign of them being a pervert or you being inadequate.
Listen with genuine interest and curiosity. Ask clarifying questions to truly learn about your partner. For example, if your partner comes to you and wants to share an erotic thought, instead of being threatened and accusing them of having changed, try to learn more about it.
This can help you to be a more skilled lover; your partner is giving you insider tips! Take it and use it! This is the start!
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