Conflict Styles and Relationship Repair

I was interviewed for a CNN article by my dear colleague Dr. Ian Kerner about how to navigate relationship arguments in the “new normal.” I want to expand on my thoughts since conflict is part of life, and all relationships – from the bedroom to the boardroom – experience them. In addition to the thoughts you’re having during the conflict, your body is having a physical experience of the conflict as well. This is one of the reasons that although you think you have resolved a conflict and “moved on” from it, you still have burdening feelings attached to it. You can move on rationally and intellectually much faster than… Read More

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Why you need to know where your clitoris is

The Guardian recently reported on a study that found 37% of Britons could not accurately identify a clitoris. The work, “Public understanding of female genital anatomy and pelvic organ prolapse (POP); a questionnaire-based pilot study,” was published in the International Urogynecology Journal. El-Hamamsy, Parmar, Shoop-Worrall, et al. concluded “There was poor public understanding of external female genital anatomy and POP [pelvic organ prolapse]…”. I find the results of this study a reason to create a blog to raise awareness and also introduce you to helpful resources to rectify this issue: The clitoris is reported to be the most sensitive erogenous zone on a female body by many female-identified individuals and… Read More

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Modern Concepts of Love, Sex, and Pleasure

I sat down for a conversation with my dear friend and colleague Catriona Boffard, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist in South Africa. Her podcast “Asking for a Friend” convenes conversations about sex, intimacy, relationships, and mental and physical health. I love that Catriona addresses the questions and conundrums we may feel too awkward asking ourselves, so they come out as “I’m asking for a friend (wink, wink).” Catriona and I explored the different types of love we experience and what constitutes a pleasurable, healthy relationship. I appreciated the opportunity to parse out the differences between sexual chemistry and sexual harmony and even explain how attraction and love might not be… Read More

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Declarations of Sexual Rights and Sexual Pleasure

There are two Declarations at the core of my work and that of the World Association for Sexual Health (WAS). The Declaration of Sexual Pleasure articulates the significance of sexual pleasure to our overall well-being. The Declaration of Sexual Rights states that “sexual rights are universal human rights based on the inherent freedom, dignity, and equality of all human beings.” In February 2014, I was a part of a global group who were invited to gather in New York City to work on our collective understanding of sexual rights and how they are experienced and expressed across cultures and languages. Our hope was to give a framework for everyone who… Read More

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World Sexual Health Day, 2021: Turn It On!

About a decade ago, in one of our World Association for Sexual Health Advisory Board meetings hosted by the warmth of colleagues in Brazil, we were brainstorming how we could elevate the state of sexual wellbeing for everyone, beyond politics, advocacy and academic research. Our president at the time, Dr. Rosemary Coates, suggested creating a whole day around the theme and that is how World Sexual Health Day was born. We looked at the calendar and picked September 4th as the day to claim sexual well-being for all. Our hope was to step away from seeing sexual health as just a disease-free state and more of a state of well-being.  … Read More

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CNN Feature: “Turn rupture into repair: How to navigate relationship arguments”

The stress of the last year and a half has frayed many relationships. Couples may not agree on their risk tolerance in relation to COVID-19; lockdowns, quarantines, and travel restrictions may have us feeling cooped up; and our social lives outside of the home, and the support and sustenance they normally provide, have been severely curtailed. If this sounds familiar, then My dear colleague Dr. Ian Kerner’s CNN article, “Turn rupture into repair: How to navigate relationship arguments in the ‘new normal”” may be of assistance. I was glad to be tapped for my advice, along with more than a half dozen other colleagues.  Namely, I offered counterintuitive advice to… Read More

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Enhancing Couples’ Sexuality

Enhancing Couples’ Sexuality Good sex cannot save a bad relationship, but bad sex can break a good relationship! Dr. McCarty is joining me from North Carolina today to bring us wisdom on the power dynamic of couples as it relates to sexual desire across life span and very practical and solid tools as how to manage them and even solve them. Erotic voice, responsive desire, why is sex more interactive and human over time. How to honor your sexuality while age. Introducing pleasure and relationships after losing a partner, good sex cannot save a bad relationship, but bad sex can break a good relationship, various forms and shapes of pleasure… Read More

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Moving from Racial Literacy to Becoming an Antiracist

Moving from Racial Literacy to Becoming an Antiracist- Bonus Episode In this dialogue I had the pleasure to have an insightful dialogue with my dear colleague and mentor Dr. Kenneth Hardy. Dr. Hardy is one of the most original voices in the discourse around racial identity and family therapy. We touch upon three main topics: 1) multiple identities, intersectionality of these identities and the context in which they exist, being perceived and received with a practical model to get to know these selves and how they inform our way of being in our everyday lives. 2) the notion of reality and how it could be different based on our privileged… Read More

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The Art and Science of Self-Care

The Art and Science of Self-Care Today I am in dialogue with my dear friend and colleague Dr. Emily Nagoski. This episode is different than any other. I honestly didn’t know how to introduce it rather than extend a heartfelt invitation to you all to listen to her and listen well. Emily takes us on a meaningful, inspiring, personal and powerful journey from struggles with moments of darkness to joy and pleasure. Emily is a world-renowned expert in women’s wellbeing and sexual health. She is a New York Times bestselling author and has multiple popular TED Talks to her credit. She says I am a writer, educator, researcher, activist and… Read More

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Debunking Desire

Debunking Desire In this dialogue I am in conversation with my dear colleague Dr. Lori Brotto from Vancouver, Canada to debunk myths around sexual desire. Lori has a unique position as a researcher and a clinician to translate scientific data into practical tools and tips for everyone to benefit from. She is a master expert in the science of KT (Knowledge Transition). She is the Director of the Sexual Health Laboratory at the university of British Columbia and chairs the Canada research in women’s sexual health. In our conversation Lori will bring us pearls of wisdom from her book, Better sex through mindfulness and her new campaign DebunkDesire.com. We will… Read More

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Arranged Marriages American Style

Arranged Marriages, American Style! In this dialogue, my inspiring friend and respected colleague, the New York Times Best Selling author, professor Pepper Schwartz joins me from Seattle. I share what I learned from our dyadic validation study for Relationship Panoramic Inventory and she generously shares her top learnings as one of the three relationship experts on the Married at First Sight TV show, which is a series on Lifetime about arranged marriages. The show focuses on bringing compatible couples together, get them legally married and help them figure out the rest after.   It is on its 11th season in America and is aired in 26 other countries. As a sociologist at the… Read More

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Education Redefined

Education Redefined In this dialogue, John Doran the author of “A way to wellbeing” joins me from Ireland to discuss education during and post pandemic. John offers an optimistic view by inviting us to embrace adverse events. He says: “what you meet and greet will defeat and what you resist tends to persist”. He talks about the meaning of education and what young people need to thrive in the future that is yet to be created. He invites us to compare ourselves with ourselves yesterday, not another person. He highlights that selfcare of parents is critical not selfish and advises us on finding the right school fit for our children… Read More

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Cyber Infidelity

Cyber Infidelity In this dialogue, Marlene joins me from Cape Town, South Africa as we discuss Cyber Infidelity and her experience of navigating dilemmas that have occurred in working with the controversial dating site, Ashley Madison.  Marlene is a clinical sexologist with four published books as well as an accredited Ted Talk to her credit. Marlene shares insights from her research, differences she’s identified between in-person and cyber infidelity, why she felt she needed different tools to work with couples with this experience rather than others, the underlying motivation behind an affair, the pain of the experience, and possible ways to recover and heal.  Relationships are complex dynamics and every… Read More

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Hope Focus

Hope Focus In this dialogue Sebastian and I have a transparent conversation about making connections through preserving human dignity and seeing people for all that they are and not what they are expected to be portrayed as. Sebastian was dyslexic as a child and now is a world-renowned photographer who focuses on capturing some of the most sensitive, inspiring and heart-wrenching moments in our current history. He has a powerful message for those who do not fit into the boxes provided to them. Sebastian’s photos capture hopes and sorrows all in one shot. He is based in Cyprus but was in lockdown in Devon, England at the time of this interview.… Read More

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Black Sexuality & Your Relationship with Your Skin

Black Sexuality & Your Relationship with Your Skin In this  dialogue  James and I speak about our relationship with our skin. Skin is what we hold the closest to us and for some of us it becomes the most confusing and conflict-ridden relationship. The most recent racially charged brutalities happened after the recording of this episode however since the systemic oppression towards the people of color and minorities is not a new concept, there are pearls of wisdom that could be taken away from our conversation to sooth pains and give us a vision for the future. James is a Professor and Chair of the Counseling and Human Services Master… Read More

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