The Art and Science of Self-Care

The Art and Science of Self-Care

Today I am in dialogue with my dear friend and colleague Dr. Emily Nagoski. This episode is different than any other. I honestly didn’t know how to introduce it rather than extend a heartfelt invitation to you all to listen to her and listen well. Emily takes us on a meaningful, inspiring, personal and powerful journey from struggles with moments of darkness to joy and pleasure.

Emily is a world-renowned expert in women’s wellbeing and sexual health. She is a New York Times bestselling author and has multiple popular TED Talks to her credit. She says I am a writer, educator, researcher, activist and a nerd!  

Today, you will meet Emily as all of these and much more. Something in my heart lit up after this dialogue that is still burning bright. I hope you derive as much meaning from our conversation as I did having it.

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About Dr. Emily Nagoski

Emily Nagoski began her career as a sex educator in 1995 when she became a peer health educator at the University of Delaware. She was trained to teach her fellow undergraduates about stress, nutrition, physical activity, and, above all, sex. Soon she added sexual violence prevention and response to that work, and suddenly she was a sex educator. The plan was to use her degree in Psychology (with minors in cognitive science and philosophy) to become a clinical neuropsychologist, working with people with traumatic brain injury and stroke. But even though she loved brain science, her work in sex education and violence prevention made her like who she was a person, in a way the academic stuff couldn’t. So that’s the path she chose.

She went to Indiana University for a M.S. in Counseling Psychology, completing clinical internships at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic and the IU GLBT Student Support Services Office. She continued on to earn a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with a concentration in human sexuality. She taught graduate and undergraduate classes in human sexuality, relationships and communication, stress management, and sex education. Her time at IU was characterized by stumbling with unwarranted luck into opportunities to work with some of the greatest minds in the world of sex science, and she will spend the rest of her career trying to earn those opportunities.

For eight years, she worked as a lecturer and Director of Wellness Education at Smith College, before transitioning to full-time writing and speaking. She now travels all over, training professionals, teaching college students and other lay people, and learning more every day about the science and art of sexual wellbeing. She is a trained Gottman Seven Principles educator, with extensive specialized training in bystander intervention, motivational interviewing, and cultural inclusivity, including race, gender, and class. 

Emily’s mission in life is to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies.

Her second book, Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle, is co-authored with her twin sister Amelia. It’s for women who feel overwhelmed and exhausted by all they have to do, yet worrying that they’re not doing “enough.” 

 

Debunking Desire

Debunking Desire

In this dialogue I am in conversation with my dear colleague Dr. Lori Brotto from Vancouver, Canada to debunk myths around sexual desire. Lori has a unique position as a researcher and a clinician to translate scientific data into practical tools and tips for everyone to benefit from. She is a master expert in the science of KT (Knowledge Transition). She is the Director of the Sexual Health Laboratory at the university of British Columbia and chairs the Canada research in women’s sexual health.

In our conversation Lori will bring us pearls of wisdom from her book, Better sex through mindfulness and her new campaign DebunkDesire.com. We will talk about elicitors and diminishers of sexual desire and practical tips to cultivate it.

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About Dr. Lori Brotto

Dr. Lori Brotto is a Professor in the UBC Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, and a Registered Psychologist in Vancouver, Canada.  She is the Executive Director of the Women’s Health Research Institute of BC located at BC Women’s Hospital. Dr. Brotto holds a Canada Research Chair in Women’s Sexual Health. She is the director of the UBC Sexual Health Laboratory where research primarily focuses on developing and testing psychological and mindfulness-based interventions for women with sexual desire and arousal difficulties and women with chronic genital pain. Dr. Brotto is an Associate Editor for the Archives of Sexual Behavior, has 170 peer-reviewed publications, and is frequently featured in the media on topics related to sexuality. Her book, Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire (2018) is a trade book of her research demonstrating the benefits of mindfulness for women’s sexual concerns. She is a strong advocate for empowering women to take on leadership roles. 

Arranged Marriages American Style

Arranged Marriages, American Style!

In this dialogue, my inspiring friend and respected colleague, the New York Times Best Selling author, professor Pepper Schwartz joins me from Seattle. I share what I learned from our dyadic validation study for Relationship Panoramic Inventory and she generously shares her top learnings as one of the three relationship experts on the Married at First Sight TV show, which is a series on Lifetime about arranged marriages. The show focuses on bringing compatible couples together, get them legally married and help them figure out the rest after.

 

It is on its 11th season in America and is aired in 26 other countries.

As a sociologist at the University of Washington in Seattle, with 25 books, two TED Talks and multiple research papers to her credit, Pepper brings a rich and holistic perspective into our conversation about what it takes to create a thriving relationship.

 

I invite you to listen in if you believe that you deserve to be in a loving relationship that you desire. 

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About Professor Pepper Schwartz

Acclaimed author, researcher, and television personality, Pepper Schwartz has devoted her life to furthering the fields of intimacy and sexuality. After achieving a BA and MA at Washington University, St. Louis, Schwartz went on to receive her PhD in Sociology at Yale University in 1974.

Over the next 40 years, Pepper has become a prolific writer, authoring many academic and popular articles as well as 25 books on the subjects of love, sexuality, and commitment. Two of those books American Couples and The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples have been on the New York Times Best Sellers list. Several others, including PrimeTen Talks Parents Must Have with Children About Sex and Character, Peer Marriage, and The Great Sex Weekendwere featured on Oprah. Her latest books are SNAP Strategies for CouplesFrommer’s Places for Passion, and 50 Great Myths of Human Sexuality

Schwartz is the former president of SSSS, the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexualities, and the past president of the Pacific Sociological Association. She received an award from the American Sociological Association for public understanding of sociology and Law and Politics Magazine named her one of the 25 Smartest People in Washington State. Among other awards, Pepper was named as a distinguished alumni from Washington University in St. Louis and served on the alumni counsel of Yale University Graduate School. Alongside Janet Lever, Pepper has coauthored a column for Glamour magazine as well as independently authored a column for American Baby magazine (both over a period of 8 years). She currently writes a column for AARP.org/nakedtruth as well as continuing to lecture nationally and internationally on intimate relationships, sexuality, and women’s wellbeing.

Currently, Pepper serves as AARP’s first Love & Relationship Expert & Ambassador and teaches at the University of Washington in Seattle. She has two children, Cooper and Ryder, and recently got married to her husband, Fred Kaseburg. She lives on a horse ranch outside of Seattle.

Education Redefined

Education Redefined

In this dialogue, John Doran the author of “A way to wellbeing” joins me from Ireland to discuss education during and post pandemic. John offers an optimistic view by inviting us to embrace adverse events. He says: “what you meet and greet will defeat and what you resist tends to persist”. He talks about the meaning of education and what young people need to thrive in the future that is yet to be created. He invites us to compare ourselves with ourselves yesterday, not another person. He highlights that selfcare of parents is critical not selfish and advises us on finding the right school fit for our children in the time of the pandemic.

John asks some critical questions: Are we preparing students for a life of testing or the test of life? What is holistic education? Are we helping students to develop as critical thinkers, creative minds with resilient hearts or are we trying to fit them to the already existing system which would not even exist by the time they enter adulthood? Skills such as emotional intelligence, problem solving, teamwork and collaboration in a world where life experience and competencies will be more important than formal qualifications.

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About John Doran

John Doran has been a teacher and guidance counsellor for over 24 years. He is passionate about the transformative power of education to disrupt poverty, and help young people do all that they can, with all that they have, in the time that they have got, in the space that they are in.

John speaks to Management Bodies, Businesses, Education Trusts, Teachers, Parents and Students on the topics of Resilience, EQ, Well-being in the workplace, Stress Management, and Maximising Performance both nationally and internationally.
John is a TED speaker and a media contributor. He designed and delivers the SMART Training Programme (Stress Management And Resilience Training).

John is also the author of ‘The Ways to Well-Being’, which is designed to help 15-18 year olds explore how to maintain their own sense of well-being, leading to improved academic outcomes in school and a sense of accomplishment in life. Currently taught in over 140 schools both here and in mainland Europe, the content

 

Tools and Resources

Connect with Jon on Social Media

Twitter: @awaytowellbeing

IG: awaytowellbeing

Other Resources:

Address to the Irish Parliament

Ted Talk: Positive Education for the 21st Century

Book: The Ways to Well-Being

Cyber Infidelity

Cyber Infidelity

In this dialogue, Marlene joins me from Cape Town, South Africa as we discuss Cyber Infidelity and her experience of navigating dilemmas that have occurred in working with the controversial dating site, Ashley Madison. 

Marlene is a clinical sexologist with four published books as well as an accredited Ted Talk to her credit. Marlene shares insights from her research, differences she’s identified between in-person and cyber infidelity, why she felt she needed different tools to work with couples with this experience rather than others, the underlying motivation behind an affair, the pain of the experience, and possible ways to recover and heal. 

Relationships are complex dynamics and every couple might have a different definition of what constitute privacy and secrecy in their relationship therefore, we share the use of the terms “affair and infidelity” to cover a range of behaviors in our society. 

Although this is a rather taboo subject, it is a very common issue with high prevalence in both of our practices. We share some of the clinical approaches we each use to help clients navigate their way through the stages that follow an affair with the hope that our listeners can find some relevant tools that they can use and share with others. 

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About Dr. Wasserman

Dr Marlene Wasserman, founder of the DR EVE brand, is an internationally trained AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists) certified Clinical Sexologist and Couple and Sex Therapist, Sexual Medicine consultant and therapist, in Private Practice. An Academic, Educator, Author of 4 books, and well known media celebrity with her own weekly live radio and television programs, Marlene is most passionately invested in her Clinical Private Practice.  After many years of being an online expert youth sexuality educator and counselor throughout Africa, in 2013 Marlene began research into online relationship and sexuality behavior, specifically cyber infidelity. In 2015 she globally launched her book “Cyber Infidelity: The New Seduction”. Internationally she presents papers at conferences and does professional training and public appearances. As an activist and women’s rights defender, she trains government and parastatal management teams, in Sexual Harassment and Gender Based Violence. She is a Temporary Adviser for the WHO (World Health Organisation). Marlene is a sexual health medico legal expert and certified medico legal mediator. She specializes in medical negligence and personal injury believing everyone has the right to sexual and reproductive health. In 2018 she served as consultant to the Department of Education, in the development and writing of the Sexuality Thread of the new Life Orientation text books, to be nationally implemented in  all schools, in 2020. Her current areas of clinical interest are #Cyber Infidelity,  Infidelity, Modern Love, IntimacyTrauma and Compassion.